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The Big
Kahuna's Essay Column
June
19, 2009
A Rose By Any Other Name: Despite
the title, this article has nothing to do with Pete Rose. Even
though, if it did, it would probably boost or traffic and, thus,
please our sponsors, but, it doesn't.
Instead, this article bemoans the loss of the great baseball
tradition of players having creative and memorable nicknames.
Long gone are the days of "The Georgia Peach",
"The Big Train", and "The Fordham Flash". No
longer are players identified by such monikers as "The
Flying Dutchman", "The Iron Horse", and
"Bambino". Never again, sadly, will anyone be referred
to anything as wonderfully unique as "Old Tomato
Face", "Bad News", or "The People's Cherce".
It is truly a bygone era.
Babe Ruth, perhaps baseball's greatest player, was a one man
cottage industry of nicknames. In addition to the aforementioned
"Bambino", Ruth is easily recognized as "The
Sultan of Swat", "The King of Clout", and other
such titles. Many players had multiple nicknames. Today, most
players barely have one and it usually involves some uninspired
shortening of their actual name.
Joe Di Maggio was called "The Yankee Clipper", but if
"Joltin' Joe" was just coming up today, I'm afraid he
would be dubbed something as horribly bland as "J.D." .
Try to think of any current players with great nicknames. It is
nearly impossible. Okay, Lance Berkman is "The Big
Puma", but that's one out of nearly a thousand players.
Alex Rodriguez, the so called best player in the game, is
"A-Rod". That's it? That's the best we could do? Ken
Griffey, Jr.'s nickname is "Junior"? Barry Bonds did
not have a nickname, but if he played in the 1950's he might
have been called "Satellite Dish Head". That is, if
satellite dishes had existed back then.
Which, they did not.
Pete Rose (you see, we did get around to him) was called
"Charley Hustle" and it was originally meant as an
insult, but you can't keep a great nickname down and Rose
embraced the name.
Unfortunately, we live in an age where creativity is
undervalued. That's why reality shows are popular, almost every
major motion picture is a remake, and some people still think
David Letterman is funny.
So, here's to the day when "The Little Professor"
roamed the outfield and "The Scooter" patrolled
shortstop. When "Rapid Robert" fired the high hard one
and "The Splendid Splinter" hit them out.
I will always think back wistfully to when "The Commerce
Comet" hit for distance, and "Sudden Sam" was on
the mound. When baseball had "The Toy Cannon",
"Roadblock", "Moonman", "No-Neck",
and "Motormouth".
Sadly, there are no more "Dizzys" or "Daffys",
nor "Lippys", "Brats", or "Scrap
Irons". But there sure are a lot of "Rods", as in
"A-Rod" or "K-Rod" and a lot of guys who are
known by their initials.
Yippee.
While on the subject of names, let me turn my attention to
another pet peeve of mine. Why do teams put the player's names
on the backs of their jerseys? After all, the players already
have a way of being identified while on the field. Each player
where's a jersey with his own number on it. If you already have
a number, why do you need the name? Isn't that what they sell
scorecards for?
Now, on the day when Major League Baseball honors Jackie
Robinson and all of the players wore jerseys with number 42 on
them, the one day when names on those jerseys would have been
necessary, none of them had them.
Typical.
Relevant Question Of The Month: What is your opinion of
the modern trend of team's selling the naming rights to their
ballparks to corporate sponsors? J. E., Coral Springs, FL
I honestly don't really care. If a ballpark is named after a
corporation or a product or a person, that's fine with me. If a
team wants to play in Telephone Service Provider Stadium, no
problem. If another team plays at Garbage Hauling Company Field,
that's okay, too.
But, here's where I draw the line. Once a ballpark is named, for
me, that's it. That's what I'm calling it.
If they decide to get a new sponsor, that's tough. I'm still
calling it by the first name that they presented to me.
Landshark Stadium will always be Joe Robbie Stadium to me. The
White Sox still play at Comiskey Park, as far as I'm concerned.
Frankly, I'm not sure why the public do the same. After all, no
one is paying us to call these parks by their corporate names.
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bigkahuna@federalleague.com
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